This is a tough one. It’s something that every parent, and probably most non-parents at some point, ask themselves.
“What makes a Good Parent?”
Is it what they can provide physically/financially (and I don’t just mean the hottest toys or tech)?
Is it their moral and ethical beliefs?
Is it their disciplinary methods?
What about their family beliefs/structure?
Most of you are probably thinking “It’s a combination of all of those things and then some”. And I wholeheartedly agree. There are so very many different characteristics and styles that go into successful (and of course, conversely, unsuccessful) parenting that we could sit here for days listing and debating (which I’m open to).
My post this evening instead focuses on one trait in particular that I have very recently heard much praise for as one of the major defining traits of “a good parent”.
THE ABILITY TO ASK FOR HELP
This seemingly simple and so often overlooked quality has played a big role in my life recently. Well, I suppose always but it’s taken on a new perspective, or rather, jumped to the other side of the fence.
I’ve never been one to admit I need nor ask for help. It’s something I learned very early on and has been quite difficult to shake. Or even modify.
I seem to have grown… (yay! Go me! )
Now, in all fairness (yes…to me!), I have done it before. As a matter of fact, I did it earlier this year and was met with resistance, hesitance, denial, disregard, and neglect.
And we wonder why I never do it?!!
But this time, it’s been different. Thankfully!
I asked for help regarding my son and I. My super smart, severely ADHD, crazy creative, OCD, completely complex, possibly Asperger’s son. It’s taken everything I am and everything I have to get this far but I just can’t go any further. Not on my own.
My son is by no means the most difficult kid in the world. But he IS the most difficult kid in Mine. He and I have some majorly massive issues when it comes to “meshing well”. Beyond his actual “issues”, he and I just don’t work so well together. Now…we certainly have had some great moments, but unfortunately, they’re the rarity. And it’s the majority rule thus far that has got to go…
I realized last week that something has got to give, and NOW, or it will be my control and sanity that breaks irreparably. And with it, our family.
~Deep Breath~ (rinse, repeat……)
So. Thanks to a couple of absolutely amazing and brilliant friends and the infinitely enduring support of my wonderful husband, I’ve got a little bit of a plan as well as a list of resources that I’m reaching out to. This is one of the absolute hardest things that I’ve ever had to do but it’s also one of the most important and valuable things I’ll ever do.
I was told that this sets me apart. That this is what makes me a good parent. Knowing my limits and asking (screaming and crying is a little more accurate) for help.
I hope so. Goodness knows I’ve done a lot more than just doubt my abilities in this arena, just as every parent does, but realizing the urgency of the circumstances pretty much solidified those doubts for me. Until, that is, several people reminded me that I was taking the necessary action to prevent the worsening and destruction of the situation.
Huh….you mean…I’m doing something……Right????!?!!?!
Well will wonders never cease?
I figure…if I can do it once, I’m just sure I can do it again.
So there’s my motivation, or at least a part of it, for continuing on this terrifying quest for assistance and guidance. This has not been an easy road, and I know that it’s not getting easier any time soon. But I’m dedicated to continuing to follow it, and when necessary, completely repaving the sucker.
My hope is that this will help anyone else out there feeling/living something similar. Or maybe this will find it’s way into your mind and jump out and be useful sometime in the future….
My hope is that this will motivate someone else to take that horrifying step. That immensely intimidating, supremely scary step into the unknown all in the name of “umm….excuse me…..yeah…hi…….do you think I might possibly trouble you for a little help over here?? Yes…me…over here……the one up to my eyeballs in stress and fear and confusion.”…………
All in the name of …..my kid…….